25 Days Of South Park Christmas
by Purple Dildoes
Summary: A series of South Park-themed Christmas fics/song parodies. Suggestions and requests are encouraged.
1. Day 1-Jingle Bells (Cartman Version)

(A/N: Merry Christmas, everybody! In honor of this holidqy, I'm writing 25 Holiday-themed South Park fics, which will include one-shots and parodies of popular Christmas carols. Now, if anyone has any suggestions or requests, please tell me because I can assure you I will need them.)

Jingle Bells Eric Cartman Edition

Dashing through the snow

In my brand new pimped out sleigh

It is not for Jews

Such as Kahl, who is gay

HA HA HA

Christmas time is sweet

Cuz I get lots of stuff

All the presents that I get are not e-fucking-nough

OHHHH

Jingle bells

Kahl smells

And he's really gay

I hate Jews and Hanukah

Cuz they're all freakin' gay

HEY!

Jingle bells

Kahl smells

And he's really gay

I love Christmas so fucking much

I wish it was every day!


	2. Day 2-A Kenny Christmas

(A/N: This is a Kenny-centric fic with a bit of Keneric in it. When writing this, It's really fluffy, a little bit nauseating at times.)

(Also, I didn't have an age in mind. So use your imagination~)

Kenny sat at the lunch table, picking at the food on his tray. Usually, he would be stuffing his face with the crap the school serves, but today his mind was far too full to even think about eating.

It was only a few days before Christmas break, which meant that Christmas day itself was quickly approaching. Kenny was used to the holidays being full of disappointment. However, he always tried to make it somewhat good for Karen. He knew, of course, that presents weren't everything. But they certainly helped increase the spirit.

What didn't help increase the spirit was listening to Cartman go on and on about all the shit he was going to get.

Kenny couldn't get Karen anything this year (at least not legally). A few days ago, his idiot father had gotten arrested for some sort of stupid drunk shenanigan. Kenny, being responsible son, had to use all his personal savings for bailing his father out. This left Kenny almost no time to get more money (at least not legally), which meant no presents for Karen.

His train of thought was broken by Cartman's voice.

"Hey, poor boy! What's wrong?"

Kenny raised his head, not bothering to think of a witty comeback. "I'm fine."

Cartman frowned, but then went back to talking about all the games his mom was going to buy him. Kenny was grateful that he was spared from explaining his current mood.

Christmas break came. Kenny spent most of the days leading up to Christmas standing outside the local toy store, staring at the doll display in the window. He knew that Karen would love a brand-new doll. He also knew that, even if he had a job, he probably couldn't get her one. Or at least not a good one.

A few times, Kenny saw people from school. They'd wave, he'd wave back, and then they'd exchange a "Happy holidays".

Kenny noticed that he didn't see Cartman walking around town, which was surprising. He decided that Cartman was probably at his family's house. Not that he really cared.

Finally, Christmas eve came. Kenny hung out with Karen all day. She chattered endlessly to him about Santa and reindeer with a sort of hope in her voice that could only be heard in a child's. Kenny maintained a fake smile.

He tossed and turned all night. He kept replaying the same scene in his head. Karen would run out to the living room, and then stop dead in her tracks at the sight of the present-less Christmas tree. She'd start crying, and then go wake up Kenny to tell him that Santa didn't come. That would wake up their parents, and it would lead to a typical day of fighting.

"Most wonderful day of the year, my ass." Kenny mumbled under his breath.

He heard a noise coming from the living room. A glance at his cheap digital clock told him it was nearly 4AM. His family, he knew from experience, was asleep. Kenny pulled a pocketknife out from under his pillow before sneaking out to the living room.

He stopped dead in his tracks at the sight of a rather fat person, dressed all in red. The person was placing brightly-wrapped presents under the tree. Kenny dropped his knife, and the person spun around.

"Merry Christmas, poor boy." 'Santa' said.

Kenny instantly knew who 'Santa' was.


	3. Day 3-ATTACK OF THE KILLER DICK XMAS!

ATTACK OF THE KILLER DICK: CHRISTMAS EDITION

(A/N: Yo this is another installment in the "Attack Of The Killer Dick" series. Those of you who have read that... You know what to expect. You don't HAVE to read it to understand this fic, but feel free to! You also may wanna watch the Saturday Night Live sketch, "Dick In A Box" before reading this. That's what inspired this.)

It was Christmas time, and Cartman and Kyle were still going strong. Kyle was Jewish, but that didn't stop Cartman from getting him a Christmas present.

Cartman walked up to the Broflovski residence, holding a large box at crotch-level. He knocked on the door, "GET YOUR JEW ASS OUT HERE, KAHL!"

Cartman heard Kyle's mom screaming at him about the bad word, because she's a fucking bitch. Kyle opened the door, looking like his usual pissed off Jew self. "What do you want, Cartman?" He demanded.

"Open this box." Cartman instructed, a mischievous smirk on his face.

Kyle frowned, and hesitantly opened the lid of the box. It was empty!

"WHAT THE FUCK?" Cartman screamed out. Inside the box was SUPPOSED to be his dick (attached to his body, of course).

"Cartman, what the fuck, dude?" Kyle asked, staring at the box. He noticed a hole by where Cartman's dick was, and realized what had happened. Both of them let out a shocked scream.

"MY DICK IS GONE MY DICK IS GONE MY DICK IS GONE!" Cartman screamed like a little girl.

"WAIT!" Kyle cried out. "THERE ARE DICK TRACKS IN THE SNOW!" He pointed to a trail of circular prints in the snow. "LETS FOLLOW THEM!"

"GOT IT!" Cartman abandoned his dick box, and then grabbed Kyle's hand. Who knew what shenanigans his feisty dick would get into this time?

The two of then walked for a couple of days, following the dick tracks. Cartman and Kyle ended up in Canada. When they were there, they found trails of dead Canadian bodies! Including Terrence and Phillip!

They stopped for a few minutes to mourn their childhood heroes before resuming their journey.

"YOU NEED TO CONTROL YOUR FUCKING PENIS, CARTMAN!" Kyle said.

"WELL SO-RRY!" Cartman responded angrily.

They finally ended up at the North Pole, home of Santa Claus and all that shit. It was the North Pole as it was in Rudolph.

The dick had obviously been there! Several dead cunt elves laid, obviously having suffered severe throat trauma from the dick suffocating them. There were some dead cunt reindeer, too.

Kyle and Cartman didn't care, because they were all a bunch of fucking cunts.

They got to the place where Santa lived, and he was having sex with Frosty because Santa doesn't give a fuck about anything. Santa was about to have an orgasm, and was shouting "ho ho ho ho HO HO HO HO!" And then Frosty melted when Santa's hot seed hit his snow ass. But Santa didn't care.

Cartman and Kyle listened as Cartman's dick fucked Santa! But it didn't kill Santa because that would have been a bit extreme.

They followed the dick into the reindeer enclousure, where it had already killed Rudolph the cunt reindeer and Clarice the cunt reindeer and Herbie the cunt elf. Now, the dick laid limp in the snow. Cartman sighed in relief and reattached it to his crotch. Kyle and Cartman proceeded to have sex on the dead bodies of all the jerk animals and elves. It was Christmas sex. Which made Kyle's mom cringe and vomit because she WAS SECRETLY FOLLOWING KYLE AND CARTMAN THE WHOLE TIME OHHHH PLOT TWIST!

THE END


	4. Day 4-Kenny The Hobo (Frosty parody)

Kenny the hobo

Was a poor-ass piece of shit

With a ripped up coat and a joint of weed

And one shoe for both his feet

Kenny the hobo

Is a perverted fuck, they say.

He was made of trash

But the children laugh

'Cuz the streets was where he crashed

There must have been some magic in that old condom they found,

For when they placed it on his dick, he began to dance around!

Oh, Kenny the hobo

Was crawling with HIV

But the people say he could fuck all day

just the same as you and me.

Humpity hump hump

Humpity hump hump

Look at Kenny go.

Humpity hump hump,

Humpity hump hump

Under the pants he goes

Kenny the hobo

Knew his AIDs were getting bad

So he said, "Let's fuck, and we'll make some muck, before I die today!"

Down to the village, with some sex toys in his hand,

Running here and there, all around the square,

Singin', "Fuck me if you can."

He led them down the streets of town, right to the whore house,

and only paused a moment, when he heard them holler, "Stop!"

For Kenny the hobo

Had to hurry on his way,

But he waved goodbye, sayin' "Don't cry, I'll be back to fuck some gays!"

Because Kenny is a homo hobo.


	5. Day 5-Playing In The Snow

(A/N: A little Staig for y'all~ It was suggested by an anon on Tumblr, by the way. It kinda sucks, sorry.)

Craig wasn't much of a winter person. In fact, he hated it. Winter was cold, and miserable, and all the fucking SNOW! Who even made snow, anyways? What's the point of it? It's just stupid white fluffy stuff that falls on the ground and makes a big hassle for everyone!

This was part of the reason why he hated the town of South Park. It was always cold as fuck. During the December-February period, when the wintertime was at its heaviest, he spent as much time as he could locked away in his room.

This was why he slammed the door in Stan Marsh's face when he came over one day and asked Craig to come "play". That, and the fact that they were sixteen, which is way too old to "play". Plus, Craig didn't even LIKE Stan Marsh. Not because he thought he was a dick or anything, but because it's hard to like someone when you never talk to them.

Stan, however, was persistent in his attempt to have Craig "play" with him. The two of them repeated a process over and over. Stan knocked on the door, Craig opened it, Stan stated his invitation for Craig to play, and Craig slammed the door in Stan's face.

Craig finally broke the process with an exasperated sigh.

"If I do this, will you leave me alone?" He asked.

"Yeah, of course. Just come out, dude." Stan replied.

Craig left Stan standing on his doorstep while he put on as much winter gear as he could fit on his body, finishing by putting his blue hat on his head. When he came back out (with a little bit of difficulty; snow-pants can be hard to walk in), Stan seemed to have disappeared. Before he could go back inside, however, Craig was hit in the face by a snowball.

"FUCK!" He cried out. Craig saw Stan standing by the side of the house, and shot him a glare.

Stan chuckled. "Catch me if you can, Tucker!" He called out before he started running.

Craig groaned, and started running (clumsily) after Stan. The raven-haired boy (who was wearing just a jacket and beanie) was laughing like a maniac. Craig eventually caught up to him, and tackled him into the snow.

Stan turned over so their faces were inches apart, and both boys breathing heavily.

"I caught you." Craig said in a sinister tone.

"Oh? What are you gonna do with me?" Stan asked, his face flushed and grinning from the cold.

"Hmm..." Craig sat up, pinning Stan to the snowy ground with his legs. "I think I know a fitting punishment..."

"Punishment? For what?" Stan asked.

"For that snowball you threw at me." Craig said before scooping up a handful of snow. He quickly readjusted so he was sitting on Stan's chest, thus blocking his arms from moving.

Stan's grin faded. "Dude, what are you doing?" He demanded.

Craig didn't answer, and instead ran his hand down to Stan's pants. Stan looked up at Craig, a nervous look on his face. "Dude, what the actual fuck?"

Craig ignored Stan's question once more, and shoved as much snow into Stan's as he could, ignoring his protesting screams, and then stood up. "I'm going back inside." He announced before heading to the backdoor.

Stan jumped up, doing a sort of odd dance as a result of the snow in his pants, and grabbed Craig by the back of his coat.

"Don't you fucking dare, Tucker!" Stan cried out. He shoved Craig down face-first in the snow before shoveling a handful of snow into the back of Craig's pants. Craig gasped, and Stan smirked. "Revenge, Tucker."

After that, they both went inside on an unspoken agreement. They both stripped off their wet cold clothes, down to their boxers. Craig dug a couple of blankets out of the closet, and soon, the two of them were sitting on Craig's couch, wrapped in blankets and the TV turned to some sappy Christmas special.

"Why did you come over here?" Craig asked suddenly.

Stan shrugged. "I thought you could use some company. You always seem so... Lonely at school."

Craig raised an eyebrow. "How do I seem lonely?"

"You just seem lonely." Stan said. He shuddered, and then moved closer to Craig. "My dick is fucking frozen."

"Dude, too much information!" Craig said.

"You could probably help warm up my dick..." Stan said with a wink.

Craig knew exactly what Stan meant. He was slightly shocked at Stan's boldness, but instead of going with the situation, he moved over so he was sitting on Stan's lap. "Is that warm enough for you?"

Stan sighed. "Yeah, whatever."

(A/N: SORRY THAT ENDING SUCKED.)


	6. Day 6-A Damien Christmas Carol

(A/N: This particular Christmas carol is being sung by Damien, the prince of Hell. It is by request of a guest reviewer.)

Deck the halls with death and fire

Fa la la la la, la la la la

Your situation is very dire

Fa la la la la, la la la la

Don we now in dark apparel

Fa la la la la, la la la la

When in hell, I know I'll scare ya

Fa la la la la, la la la la

See the blazing corpse before us

Fa la la la la, la la la la

Damn your soul and join the chorus.

Fa la la la la, la la la la

Follow me, or face your death

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

While I tell my torture method

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

People on earth are such dumb asses

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Pretty soon, we'll kill their masses

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Bow before me, the Prince of Hell

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

This Christmas, you'll be in HELL!

Fa la la la la, la la la la!


	7. Day 7-Kahl the Red-Haired Jewrat

(A/N: This is a Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer parody, sung once again by Eric Cartman)

Kahl the red-haired Jewrat

Was a useless piece of shit

And if you ever saw him

You would give his nuts a hit.

All of the other Jewrats

Used to laugh and call him names

They never let gay Kahl

Join in any Jewrat games

Then one foggy Christmas eve

Santa came to say

"Kahl, with your hair so red,

I hate you and wish you were dead."

Then all the Jewrats killed him

As they shouted out with glee

"Kahl, the red-haired Jewrat,"

"You won't go down in history!"


	8. Day 8-CHRISTMAS KILLER DICK GANGSTA

(A/N: So I have been experiencing extreme writer's block these past couple of days. I have three half-finished stories, but I'm having trouble putting my ideas into words. SO HERES SOME KILLER DICK GANGSTA CHRISTMAS!)

Dat shiznit was Chrizzle time, n' Cartman n' Kyle was still goin strong. Kyle was Jewish yo, but dat didn't stop Cartman from gettin his ass a Chrizzle present.

Cartman strutted up ta tha Broflovski residence, holdin a big-ass box at crotch-level. Dude knocked on tha door, "GET YOUR JEW ASS OUT HERE, KAHL!"

Cartman heard Kylez momma beatboxin at his ass bout tha wack word, cuz she a gangbangin' fuckin biiiatch. Kyle opened tha door, lookin like his usual pissed off Jew self. "What do you want, Cartman?" Dude demanded. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"Open dis box." Cartman instructed, a mischievous smirk on his wild lil' face.

Kyle frowned, n' hesitantly opened tha lid of tha box. Dat shiznit was empty dawwwwg!

"WHAT THE FUCK?" Cartman screamed out. Inside tha box was SUPPOSED ta be his fuckin lil' dick (attached ta his body, of course).

"Cartman, what tha fuck tha fuck, dude?" Kyle asked, starin all up in tha box yo. Dude noticed a hole by where Cartmanz dick was, n' realized what tha fuck had happened. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Both of dem let up a shocked scream.

"MY DICK IS GONE MY DICK IS GONE MY DICK IS GONE!" Cartman screamed like a lil girl.

"WAIT!" Kyle cried out. "THERE ARE DICK TRACKS IN THE SNOW!" Dude pointed ta a trail of circular prints up in tha snow. "LETS FOLLOW THEM!"

"GOT IT!" Cartman abandoned his fuckin lil' dick box, n' then grabbed Kylez hand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck knew what tha fuck shenanigans his wild lil' feisty dick would git tha fuck into dis time?

Da two of then strutted fo' a cold-ass lil couple days, followin tha dick tracks. Cartman n' Kyle ended up in Canada. When they was there, they found trailz of dead Canuck bodies muthafucka! Includin Terrence n' Phillip!

They stopped fo' all dem minutes ta mourn they childhood heroes before resumin they journey.

"YOU NEED TO CONTROL YOUR FUCKING PENIS, CARTMAN!" Kyle holla'd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"WELL SO-RRY!" Cartman responded angrily.

They finally ended up all up in tha Uptown Pole, home of Gangsta Claus n' all dat shit. Dat shiznit was tha Uptown Pole as dat shiznit was up in Rudolph.

Da dick had obviously been there biaaatch! Several dead playaaaaaa elves laid, obviously havin suffered severe throat trauma from tha dick suffocatin em. There was some dead playaaaaaa reindeer, like a muthafucka.

Kyle n' Cartman didn't care, cuz they was all a funky-ass bunch of fuckin playaaaaaas.

They gots ta tha place where Gangsta lived, n' da thug was bustin a nut wit Frosty cuz Gangsta don't give a gangbangin' fuck bout anything. Gangsta was bout ta have a orgasm, n' was shoutin "ho ho ho ho HO HO HO HO!" And then Frosty melted when Gangstaz bangin' seed hit his snow ass. But Gangsta didn't care.

Cartman n' Kyle listened as Cartmanz dick fucked Gangsta! But it didn't bust a cap up in Gangsta cuz dat would done been a lil' bit off tha hook.

They followed tha dick tha fuck into tha reindeer enclousure, where it had already capped Rudolph tha playaaaaaa reindeer n' Clarice tha playaaaaaa reindeer n' Herbie tha playaaaaaa elf. Now, tha dick laid limp up in tha snow. Cartman sighed up in relief n' reattached it ta his crotch. Kyle n' Cartman proceeded ta bust a nut on tha dead bodiez of all tha jerk muthafuckas n' elves. Dat shiznit was Chrizzle sex. Which made Kylez momma cringe n' vomit cuz she WAS SECRETLY FOLLOWING KYLE AND CARTMAN THE WHOLE TIME OHHHH PLOT TWIST!

THE END


	9. Day 9-The Grinch Visits South Park

(A/N: Poetry time! This poem is a powerful poem about the Grinch trying to steal Christmas from the residents of South Park.)

_'Twas the night before Christmas_

_And all through the town_

_Not a creature was stirring _

_Except for a clown_

_(Which is a story for another time) _

_The Grinch made his way there_

_Dressed as good old Saint Nick. _

_He claimed a hatred for Christmas_

_Which would be acceptable, since he was a dick. _

_The Grinch first broke into the Marsh home_

_With a big, empty sack _

_But Randy Marsh heard him and decided to attack. _

_Randy grabbed his rifle, with bullets inside _

_This happened to be the night that the ole' Grinch died. _

_Randy ran downstairs and pointed his gun _

_And soon the Grinch's time was done. _

_He didn't realize an important rule _

_Don't rob from rednecks, that just ain't cool. _

_You're sure to be shot, wether you want to or not _

_And that end was certainly what the Grinch got!_

_THE END_


	10. Day Ten-A Conformist Christmas

(A/N: This particular story was written from a suggestion by my Tumblr friend, Pigquet, who suggested a Goth Kids Christmas. This is my first time writing them, so sorry if it's really bad.)

"Ugh. Do we REALLY have to go?" Pete whined to Michael. "Parties are so fucking conformist and it makes me wanna puke."

"Shut up, dude. It's free booze." Michael responded. They had been arguing about going to Bebe Steven's annual Christmas party all week, and they all went something like that. Henrietta and Ferkel had already stated that they weren't going, and Michael didn't want to go alone. He had managed to convince Pete to go, but Pete complained about it every chance he got.

The day of the party, Michael showed up to Pete's place an hour early, carrying a bag.

"What's that?" Pete asked, gesturing to the bag.

"I got some stuff to wear to the party." Michael said with a small smirk.

"Oh god... Are you sick or something?" Pete asked, glaring at the bag.

"Nah. Are you gonna let me in or not?" Michael asked.

"Yeah, whatever." Pete sighed and stepped aside. Michael walked in, and the two of them went into Pete's room.

"I really hate you right now." Pete mumbled as Michael opened the bag.

"Yeah, whatever." Michael held up two of the ugliest sweaters Pete had ever laid eyes on. One was black, and covered with tiny ugly reindeer. The other was bright red and decorated with an extremely detailed picture of Santa Claus' face.

"You don't seriously expect me to wear one of those." Pete said in disbelief.

Michael smirked and took off his jacket. "Yeah, I do. Put it on." He tossed the Santa sweater to Pete before putting on the reindeer one.

"Where the fuck did you even get these?" Pete asked, glaring at Santa.

"Found them in my attic." Michael said with a shrug. "Put on the fucking sweater, Pete."

Pete sighed and put the sweater on. He looked down at it in disgust. "I look like such a fucking conformist."

"There's something else, too." Michael said, reaching back into the bag. He pulled out two Santa hats. Pete let out a loud groan.

"No! Fuck you!" He said.

"It's just for a few hours." Michael said, putting on his own hat. "You'll probably be too drunk by tomorrow to even remember wearing it."

"You owe me big time for this." Pete grumbled as he put the hat on. He caught sight of himself in the mirror, and felt the urge to vomit. "Goddamit..."

"You look fucking fine. Quit being a pussy." Michael said with an eye roll.

After they were both all dressed for the party, they left in Henrietta's mom's car (despite Henrietta not attending the party). The party was already in full-swing by the time they got there, just as Michael and Pete had planned. This way, nobody would pay much attention to them, and they'd be able to get to the free booze quicker.

The two of them walked into the kitchen. The party hostess herself was in there, and when she saw Pete and Michael, she giggled and ran over to them.

"It's so great that you're here!" Bebe squealed, before dragging them into the middle of the kitchen.

The small group of drunks stopped their loud conversations to look at the two new arrivals. Pete was immediately aware that they were all looking up, towards the ceiling.

"Oh my god, no way." Michael mumbled under his breath.

Pete looked up to see a cluster of mistletoe, directly above them. "Fuck no!" He looked up at Michael, then at Bebe.

"Christmas rules!" Bebe sang. "You two have to kiss!"

Michael sighed, and before Pete could protest, he pressed a kiss to the other's lips. The drunks around them all cheered, and a few started whispering around themselves about how it was bound to happen eventually.

Pete kissed Michael back without even realizing it. Once he did realize that he was kissing Michael back (and enjoying it), he shoved him away. Everyone around them went back to drinking and conversing. Pete and Michael got their drinks and went to hide out in the living room.

Pete pretending to hate the kiss didn't stop him from doing it again when Michael dropped him off.

They decided not to discuss it after that. Like ugly Christmas sweaters and Santa hats, love is so conformist.

(A/N Part 2: I would also like to say happy birthday to my friend John! LOVE YA PLATONICALLY!)


	11. Day 11-An Obamuttermanyle Christmas

(A/N: I basically pulled this fic out of my ass. I don't really know what the plot is and I wrote it. Sorry)

It was Christmas time and Butters had asked for nothing but a life-sized poster of Obama. Butters admired Obama and wanted to be Obama but he knew he couldn't do that until he became president. So Butters decided to run for president and he won. Wow!

As Butters ran, he started getting tired because he was only a simple ten-year-old child and he hated running. In fact, he didn't know if he was even running for president. He wondered if he was just running (plot twist: he was).

Butters passed out and nearly died! Oh no! It sucked because it was almost Christmas, and he wanted his Obama poster!

Luckily for Butters, Kyle Broflovski found him. Kyle was pretty nice, so he took Butters to a hospital, and when Butters woke up, they made out until Butters had his first orgasm that he was awake for.

"Hey, Kyle, am I president?" Butters asked after they made out.

"No." Kyle said because Kyle has a dick side, too.

"Oh." Butters said with much disappointment. "Will Santa bring me an Obama poster?"

Wow they're ten and they made out wow the writer forgot they were only ten and yeah the writer apologizes for that.

"No, he won't, Butters." Kyle said.

Butters started crying. "But why, Kyle?"

"Because Santa isn't real." Kyle said, even though he's met Santa before. Kyle was being kind of an idiot douchebag wow Kyle not cool.

Butters was much surprised and he passed out again.

When Butters awoke from his slumber, Obama was there! Actual motherfucking (not literally) Barack Obama! Butters fangirled and he kissed Obama and Obama kissed back but that's all they did because Obama was married plus he was over eighteen so them doing anything else would be illegal and Obama would be kicked out of office and then fucking Joe Biden would become president and Joe Biden has a really bad name. Like, could you just imagine going "Oh, Joe Biden is the US president"? No? I can't either so yeah Obama and Butters just kissed and hugged and took hella selfies together and Obama told Butters he would so vote for him when he ran for president correctly. Butters thanked Obama and Obama left in a cloud of fairy dust and freedom. In his place was an Obama blow-up doll but Butters was too innocent to realize it so he took the Obama blow-up doll to school and then got grounded.

Thirty something years later, Butters ran for president. It was against Eric Cartman. Even though Cartman lost, Butters let Cartman be the First Man which made Butters the first gay president and everyone was happy. But Butters never forgot about his one true love, Barack William Obama except William isn't Obama's real middle name. I don't think he has one. But if he did, it would be William.

The end.


	12. Day 12-Craig's Letter

The following letter was found on December 30th by a group of Canadians. They sent it to South Park, where it was then published in the local newspapers.

Dear Whoever Finds This,

My name is Craig Tucker, and I have been kidnapped by Santa Claus.

I'd have to say that this whole thing started last year. I was a simple ten-year-old, but my life was changed when four assholes convinced me to join a fucking pan flute band just because I had $100 from my grandma. It ended up with us being in Peru, and me saving the world from various giant guinea-creatures. After that experience, I swore that I would never associate with them again.

I didn't follow my own advice. I'm a fucking idiot. Because of that, I'm now sitting in the sleigh of fucking Santa Claus, heading to what I hope will be the North Pole. My friend Clyde is here with me, and he's been crying for the past hour. I want to slap him so badly.

Anyways, this letter isn't a plea for help. I just want the world to know how Eric Cartman, Stan Marsh, Kenny McCormick, and Kyle Broflovski are assholes.

"Come see Santa with us," they said.

"It'll be fun," they said.

So Clyde and I decided to go. We all dressed in festive clothes (except Kyle. He wore a menorah sweater) and walked to where "Santa" was.

Clyde, being the idiot, asked Santa for his mom back. I know what you're thinking: 'Awww, cute little kid just wanted his mommy back!'

Bullshit.

Santa told Clyde to wait, and I stayed with him because I'm such a good fucking friend.

As it turns out, this Santa wasn't just some schmuck with a fake beard. It was the real fucking Santa Claus. He put us in his sleigh, and next thing I knew, we were on our way to the North Pole in order to work for Santa. At least he was nice enough to explain what his plans were. Unless he was lying.

Fuck you, assholes.

Love, Craig Tucker


	13. Day 13-TwelveDays Of Christmas

(A/N: There are officially twelve days left til Christmas! YAY! So, I put together this little song. At the end, there is an explanation of what all the lyrics mean, in case you get confused. ALSO, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BEST FRIEND BRIANNA! YOU'RE OFFICIALLY AN ADULT!)

On the first day of Christmas, South Park gave to me

Kenny dead and tied to a tree

On the second day of Christmas, South Park gave to me

Two Jews named Kyle

And Kenny dead and tied to a tree

On the third day of Christmas, South Park gave to me

Three Black Friday episodes

Two Jews named Kyle

And Kenny dead and tied to a tree

On the fourth day of Christmas, South Park gave to me

Four best friends

Three Black Friday episodes

Two Jews named Kyle

And Kenny dead and tied to a tree

On the fifth day of Christmas, South Park gave to me

Five... Christmas... Poos!

Four best friends

Three Black Friday episodes

Two Jews named Kyle

And Kenny dead and tied to a tree

On the sixth day of Christmas, South Park gave to me

Six Mackeys singing

Five... Christmas... Poos!

Four best friends

Three Black Friday episodes

Two Jews named Kyle

And Kenny dead and tied to a tree

On the seventh day of Christmas, South Park gave to me

Seven angry parents

Six Mackeys singing

Five... Christmas... Poos!

Four best friends

Three Black Friday episodes

Two Jews named Kyle

And Kenny dead and tied to a tree

On the eighth day of Christmas, South Park gave to me

Eight demons from Hell

Seven angry parents

Six Mackeys singing

Five... Christmas... Poos!

Four best friends

Three Black Friday episodes

Two Jews named Kyle

And Kenny dead and tied to a tree

On the ninth day of Christmas, South Park gave to me

Nine floppy wieners

Eight demons from Hell

Seven angry parents

Six Mackeys singing

Five... Christmas... Poos!

Four best friends

Three Black Friday episodes

Two Jews named Kyle

And Kenny dead and tied to a tree

On the tenth day of Christmas, South Park gave to me

A ten-month hiatus

Nine floppy wieners

Eight demons from Hell

Seven angry parents

Six Mackeys singing

Five... Christmas... Poos!

Four best friends

Three Black Friday episodes

Two Jews named Kyle

And Kenny dead and tied to a tree

On the eleventh day of Christmas, South Park gave to me

Eleven more dead Kennys

A ten-month hiatus

Nine floppy wieners

Eight demons from Hell

Seven angry parents

Six Mackeys singing

Five... Christmas... Poos!

Four best friends

Three Black Friday episodes

Two Jews named Kyle

And Kenny dead and tied to a tree

On the twelfth day of Christmas, South Park gave to me,

Twelve Satanist animals

Eleven more dead Kennys

A ten-month hiatus

Nine floppy wieners

Eight demons from Hell

Seven angry parents

Six Mackeys singing

Five... Christmas... Poos!

Four best friends

Three Black Friday episodes

Two Jews named Kyle

And Kenny dead and tied to a tree

GUIDE

Twelve Satanist animals-As a reference to the Christmas Critters episode. I don't know if the number is accurate, sorry.

Eleven more dead Kennys-Since Kenny dies a lot

A ten-month hiatus-It was ten fucking months between S16 and S17.

Nine floppy wieners-A reference to the Black Friday episodes

Eight demons from Hell-Since a few episodes take place in Hell

Seven angry parents-Between the four boys, they have seven parents and their parents get angry at a lot of stuff.

Six Mackeys singing-A reference to Mr Mackey singing Carol Of The Bells in S2

Five... Christmas... Poos!-The Hankey (Christmas poo) family contains 5 turds

Four best friends-Cartman, Kyle, Stan, and Kenny

Three Black Friday episodes-Another obvious reference to the Black Friday episodes

Two Jews named Kyle-Meaning Kyle and his cousin, Kyle

And Kenny dead and tied to a tree-Because Kenny dies a lot, har dee har har.


	14. Day 14-Kyle's Christmas Rampage

(Another Out-My-Ass fic! Enjoy!)

Kyle always disliked the holidays. Being Jewish, he felt extremely left out. As he got older, he began to resent the holiday, and everybody who celebrated them.

By the time Kyle went off to college, his hatred for the holidays was overwhelming. During his freshman year, it caused him to have a mental break-down.

Nobody was really sure what happened. One moment, he was making gingerbread men, and the next, Kyle was shitting all over the floor.

Nobody commented on the fact that Kyle's gingerbread men were decorated like murder victims. Nobody questioned how he got a knife-shaped cookie cutter, or a shit-shaped one, either. That's how people were. They didn't care about stuff that didn't affect them.

Kyle pulled the shit, knife, and murder victim cookies out of the oven. He threw them to the floor and stomped them into crumbs.

"Kyle... What the hell?" Some random girl asked.

Kyle didn't answer. Instead, he pulled down his pants and squatted on the floor. "PLEASE COME, MISTER HANKEY!" He cried out as a nice long turd came out of his ass. Everybody stopped and turned to look at Kyle. What the fuck was wrong with this boy?

Kyle picked up the poop, crying out the name of Mister Hankey the Christmas Poo. He grabbed the girl who asked him if he was okay, and shoved the turd in her face. The girl screamed and then passed out. Kyle squatted down over her face and shat directly into her mouth, chanting the words to the Mr Hankey song.

A couple of big college football players tackled Kyle and held him down while someone called the police. They took Kyle to the hospital, where he was broken out of his psychotic rampage.

After that, Kyle never spoke again.


	15. Day 15-Mancandy

(A/N: This fic is dedicated to my friend, Sharon, who got me into the pairing known as Mancandy. Warning for really kinky smut. Like, a serious warning. Sharon's into some kinky stuff.)

Randy Marsh was in love. Plain and simple. However, he did not love the woman he was married to. He did not love a woman at all.

If you looked at the whole picture, Randy had two loves. One was a human, one was an activity. The human he loved was none other than Eric Cartman. The other was cooking.

Randy knew that he wasn't supposed to love Eric, and Eric knew that he wasn't supposed to reciprocate those feelings. After all, he was only sixteen.

Eric had two loves as well, just like Randy. Eric's second love was a love of food. Especially food made by Randy.

Randy invited Eric over every weekend to eat his gourmet dishes, followed by a few hours of intense sex. When the week before Christmas came, they had their usual night.

Eric walked into the Marsh residence, and he could smell the tantalizing aroma of fresh-baked cookies and pies. Randy had pulled out all the stops for this one. He had made a small mountain of cakes, pies, cookies, and other desserts. The house almost reeked of baking goodies.

Eric made his way to the kitchen, a large smile on his face. "Ay, Randy. How's it going?"

"Good, Eric. Here, try this. Tell me what you think." Randy handed Eric a plate of gingerbread men.

Eric picked one up and bit off the head. He closed his eyes and let out a pleasured moan as the taste filled his mouth. "Oh my god... So fucking good..."

Randy grinned, and felt his pants begin to tighten. Watching Eric eat his cooking was the only foreplay he needed.

Within a half-hour, Eric had devoured most of the foods Randy had made him. Randy's cock was nice and hard by then, and he was ready to get to the next part.

"Hey, Randy... Could ya wait down here for a minute?" Eric asked. "I'll be right back." He got up and walked upstairs, a mischievous grin on his round face.

Randy nodded, and started putting the dishes away to distract himself.

Eric came downstairs a bit later. He was wrapped up in Christmas paper, with a bow on both his head and crotch. He stood in the doorway, striking a provocative pose. "Have you been naughty, Randy?"

Randy almost started weeping at the sight of Eric. He walked over towards him, not wanting to seem too eager. "I'd say I have been." He replied. Randy slowly took the wrapping paper off Eric's ass, and then kneeled down behind him.

Eric smirked, and he let out a long nice fart. Randy breathed it in, moaning softly. Randy grabbed onto Eric's ass, and then shoved his face in it in order to get the full effect of his farts. Eric farted a few more times before stopping and panting heavily. "I... I can't do anymore... Sorry."

"It's fine." Randy replied. "Just means I get to fuck you quicker."

Eric grinned, and then got down on all fours. Randy and Eric always did the do in this position, mostly because they realized it was the easiest to get out of if needed. Randy grabbed Eric's asscheeks again and seperated them, causing Eric to let out a loud groan. He shoved his dick up Eric's asshole, as he had already lubed and condomed himself beforehand. It only took a few hard thrusts before Randy came. He kept going until Eric did the same.

"Randy..." Eric panted once they were done.

"Yes, Eric?"

"I... I love you. A lot." Eric turned bright red. It was the first time he had ever confessed anything like this to anyone and genuinely meant it. He was scared that Randy would be creeped out, or never talk to him again.

Instead, Randy grinned and pressed a kiss to Eric's lips. "I love you, too, Eric."

"Merry Christmas, Randy."

"Merry Christmas."

THE END


	16. Day 16-A Dip Christmas Story

Christmas was always a hard time for Pip. When he was younger, he looked forward to the holidays simply because the other children would ease up on the teasing in fear of Santa Claus. As they all got older and such myths were replaced with the much more truthful "Rich-kids-get-more" rule, the holiday season became just like any other time of year for Pip. Not to mention the fact that his adopted parents didn't really want to put much work into making Christmas good for him.

It was when Pip was fifteen that he had his first genuine holiday experience. Damien Thorn had decided to move back to South Park, and he resided in the house next to Pip's. Because of that and South Park's distrust of anybody new (let alone the prince of Hell), Pip and Damien became quite friendly with each other. It was kind of difficult to tell, because of Damien's hobby of torturing Pip when he got bored or angry, the two really liked each other.

One day after school, Pip was at Damien's house and Damien was flipping through TV channels. He stopped when a flashy commercial commanding viewers to get their Christmas shopping done at South Park mall caught his eye.

Damien let out a disgusted grunt. "Ugh, stupid holiday."

Pip glanced over. "What's wrong with Christmas?" He asked.

"Oh, let's see," Damien said sarcastically. "It's a holiday celebrating the birth of Christ. I'm the son of the Antichrist. I wonder why I don't like it?"

"Oh... That's true, isn't it?" Pip looked down. "I don't like it either, honestly."

"Then why the fuck are you wondering why I don't like it?" Damien demanded in an angry tone.

Pip, used to Damien's rage, spoke in a calmer fashion. "It's really hard to like something you've never had."

Damien raised an eyebrow. "You've never had Christmas? Dude, you're a fucking Catholic. Isn't it law or something that you celebrate it?"

"It's not law, no. And besides, I'm pretty sure that Catholics aren't supposed to be friends with Satan's son, either." Pip replied.

That put an end to that conversation.

Despite not talking about it, the topic of Christmas didn't really leave Damien's mind. He had celebrated Christmas before. It was, ironically, one of his father's favorite holidays. Even though Damien didn't like it, he also couldn't imagine NOT celebrating it. He also couldn't imagine what it must be like for Pip. It almost made him sympathetic towards Pip, who he figured had probably never left cookies out for "Santa", or decorated a Christmas tree, or woke up on the holiday itself to a pile of presents under a tree.

Damien hadn't been planning on celebrating the holiday as much as he had in the past. He was just planning on inviting his father over for a little bit, and possibly putting elf hats on the various decorative skulls around his home. Instead, he decided he was going to go all-out. A couple of times during his preparation, Damien questioned why he was doing this, why he cared so much about Pip having a Christmas. In the end, the only true response he could come up with was a simple 'Tis The Season' type thing.

On Christmas Eve morning, Damien went over to Pip's house and invited him to spend the night. Pip was surprised, and somewhat scared. He had slept over at Damien's house several times before, but Damien had never smiled so much when asking him.

Pip accepted nonetheless.

When he walked into Damien's house, Pip gasped at the sight of a living tree in the living room, decorated with round colored balls. His eyes wandered around the room, and he was pleasantly shocked to see that the whole room was decorated for the holiday.

"I didn't do this for you, if that's what you're thinking," Damien said with a small smirk. He was very obviously lying.

"I don't care! I love it!" Pip squealed. He wanted to hug Damien, but refrained from it.

Damien continued to pleasantly surprise Pip throughout the day, from turning on a marathon of Christmas specials to bringing out a plate of slightly burnt Christmas cookies accompanied with a mug of hot chocolate. They even left a plate of cookies out for "Santa" before going to sleep, even though both of them knew it was childish.

The next morning, Damien woke Pip up with news that Santa came. Pip sat up, and despite knowing that Santa was just a legend, ran out to the living room.

He gasped when he saw a small pile of presents under the tree. "Damien..." Pip said, his eyes wide.

"They're for you." Damien said with a smile.

"You really shouldn't have..." Pip said as he sat down on the floor and picked one up.

"Too fucking bad. I already did." Damien said, sitting down next to his friend.

Pip opened a few presents slowly, trying to save the wrapper. This annoyed Damien, and he taught Pip the "correct" way to open Christmas presents, which was the rip-it-to-shreds way. By the time Pip was done, the floor was littered with shredded paper, and both boys had grins plastered on their faces.

"You're truly amazing, Damien," Pip said.

"Yeah, whatever." Damien said, turning slightly pink.

Before either boy could say anything else, Pip wrapped his arms around Damien and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

Damien turned even redder and pushed Pip away. "Dude, no. That's really gay."

"I do not believe that kissing you on the cheek is gay," Pip said with a tiny smirk. "However, if I did this..." Pip pressed another small kiss to Damien's lips. "That qualifies as gay."

Damien's face went even redder and he turned away, hiding his face in his hands. "Yeah, that's gayer," he mumbled.

THE END-SORRY IT SUCKS


	17. Day 17-A Big Gay Christmas

(A/N: Warning for smut.)

Mr Slave had a real treat for Big Gay Al this Christmas. It was a nice dose of fucking, complete with roleplaying and BDSM.

He had bought two costumes-a skanky elf and a skanky Santa costume. The elf was for Mr Slave, since he was always a bottom. He wanted to be dominated by Big Gay Santa Claus.

Al had an instant boner when he saw Mr Slave in his elf costume. He didn't hesitate to put on the Santa costume.

"You've been a bad little elf, Mr Slave." Big Gay Al said with a smirk as he handcuffed Mr Slave to the bed.

"Oh, Jesus Christ!" Mr Slave moaned before Big Gay Al put a gag in his mouth. Mr Slave didn't care. He loved this treatment.

Big Gay Al didn't want to dirty his own costume, so he had to think of an alternative to his dick. A dildo was the obvious option, but Big Gay Al wanted to be creative.

He first grabbed a candy cane to use as an alternate dildo. Al unwrapped it and lubed it up with his own saliva before sliding it into Mr Slave's asshole. It was far too small for Mr Slave's ass.

Big Gay Al then grabbed a Christmas snow globe from on top of the fireplace. He went back to the bedroom, and tried to shove it into Mr Slave's ass, but it was too big, even for Mr Slave's ass! He kept trying to shove it in, but Mr Slave's muffled cries stopped Big Gay Al from it. Al sighed and pulled the snow globe out. He made a mental note to give it to Mr Mackey as a Christmas gift.

Big Gay Al was sad that he couldn't find anything that was just the right size to shove into Mr Slave's ass. Just as he was about to give up and use a dildo, Big Gay Al's mind made a sudden connection. Naughty boys get lumps of coal on Christmas!

He ran over to the fireplace once more and pulled out a piece of coal from the bag by it. As he predicted, the coal fit into Mr Slave's ass like a glove. A glove that goes into someone's ass and isn't effective at warming up any part of their body.

Big Gay Al fucked Mr Slave with the coal until he came.

It was a very merry Christmas indeed.

(And ghetto version because it's too hilarious not to share)

Mista Muthafuckin Slave had a real treat fo' Big Gay Al dis Chrizzle. Dat shiznit was a sick dose of fucking, complete wit roleplayin n' BDSM.

Dude had looted two costumes-a skanky elf n' a skanky Gangsta costume. Da elf was fo' Mista Muthafuckin Slave, since da thug was always a funky-ass bottom yo. Dude wanted ta be dominated by Big Gay Gangsta Claus.

Big Gay Al had a instant boner when da perved-out muthafucka saw Mista Muthafuckin Slave up in his wild lil' fuckin elf costume yo. Dude didn't hesitate ta put on tha Gangsta costume.

"You've been a wack lil elf, Mista Muthafuckin Slave." Big Gay Al holla'd wit a smirk as dat schmoooove muthafucka handcuffed Mista Muthafuckin Slave ta tha bed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"Oh, Jizzy Christ!" Mista Muthafuckin Slave moaned before Big Gay Al put a gag up in his crazy-ass grill. Mista Muthafuckin Slave didn't care yo. Dude loved dis treatment.

Al didn't wanna dirty his own costume, so dat schmoooove muthafucka had ta be thinkin of a alternatizzle ta his fuckin lil' dick fo' realz. A dildo was tha obvious option yo, but Big Gay Al wanted ta be creative.

Dude first grabbed a cold-ass lil candy cane ta use as a alternate dildo fo' realz. Big Gay Al unwrapped it n' lubed it up wit his own saliva before slidin it tha fuck into Mista Muthafuckin Slavez asshole. Dat shiznit was far too lil' small-ass fo' Mista Muthafuckin Slavez ass.

Big Gay Al then grabbed a Chrizzle snow globe from on top of tha fireplace yo. Dude went back ta tha bedroom, n' tried ta shove it tha fuck into Mista Muthafuckin Slavez ass yo, but dat shiznit was too big, even fo' Mista Muthafuckin Slavez ass muthafucka! Dude kept tryin ta shove it up in yo, but Mista Muthafuckin Slavez muffled cries stopped Big Gay Al from it fo' realz. Big Gay Al sighed n' pulled tha snow globe up yo. Dude done cooked up a menstrual note ta give it ta Mista Muthafuckin Mackey as a Chrizzle gift.

Big Gay Al was fucked up dat his schmoooove ass couldn't find anythang dat was just tha right size ta shove tha fuck into Mista Muthafuckin Slavez ass. Just as da thug was bout ta give up n' bust a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dildo, Big Gay Alz mind done cooked up a sudden connection. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Naughty thugs git lumpz of coal on Chrizzle!

Dude ran over ta tha fireplace once mo' n' pulled up a piece of coal from tha bag by it fo' realz. As he predicted, tha coal fit tha fuck into Mista Muthafuckin Slavez ass like a gludd fo' realz. A gludd dat goes tha fuck into one of mah thugss ass n' aint effectizzle at warmin up any part of they body.

Big Gay Al fucked Mista Muthafuckin Slave wit tha coal until his schmoooove ass came.

Dat shiznit was a straight-up merry Chrizzle indeed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!


	18. Day 18-Preg MPreg

(A/N: This is a Pip/Gregory (Preg) Mpreg fic. Get it?! PREG. MPREG. HAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm so funny.)

Pip and Gregory's meeting was purely coincidental. Under normal circumstances, half a country and an ocean separated them.

Gregory had lived in South Park for a short period of his life, but it was simply due to his own school, Yardale Academy, being closed for renovations. While in South Park, Gregory experienced enough of the American lifestyle to last him a lifetime.

It was Spring break when Pip met Gregory. Gregory was back in the small mountain town visiting family and friends. Despite half of the residents being obsessed with him, Gregory only had one interest: a quiet boy named Pip Pirrup.

Again, their meeting was purely coincidental. If it hadn't been for Gregory's unfamiliarity with the town, it would have never happened.

Pip had been walking out of the library when Gregory stopped him.

"Pardon me, but do you happen to know where Second Street is?" Gregory asked.

Pip nodded. "Yes, I do. You just take a left, and then another right once you go down there," he explained, pointing out the directions as he spoke.

Gregory thanked Pip and was on his way.

This was not at all the last they saw of each other. Gregory and Pip felt an instant connection to each other. The two boys sought each other out the next day, and after that, for the next two weeks at least, they were inseparable. It was love, plain and simple.

The night before Gregory had to leave, he and Pip spent the night together. It was the best night either of them had ever had.

After a few months of a long-distance relationship, Pip broke the news to Gregory.

He was pregnant, and was due in late December. Gregory went through the troubles of taking off of school and going back to South Park in order to be with Pip.

After nine months of morning sickness, cravings, and all the other pregnancy side effects, Pip went into labor...

And gave birth to Ron! Pip had to raise him from infancy; cloth him, feed him. But then Pip misplaced him. That was terrifying because this meant that he and Gregory had failed as parents.

Not really.

Pip's child was born on Christmas day. However, it was quickly revealed that the child was Kenny. Kenny grew up into a big boy within the hour. Pip and Gregory were traumatized and confused.

THE END.

(A/N: I was going to make this serious but then I was like "Nah" because I had writer's block and shit)


	19. Day 19-Greg Mpreg Sequel-Kenny's x-Mas

(A/N: I literally cannot think tonight so I apologize for this.)

Kenny McCormick got a kitten for Christmas from his new parents, Gregory and Pip. They loved Kenny despite him not being a true baby, so they got him a kitten. Kenny loved his kitten but then it ate him and he died.

The End


	20. Day 20-Tweek's Christmas Adventure

Tweek ran down the stairs on Christmas morning, his coffee thermos clasped in his hand. He, like most kids, was excited for the big day. Tweek was hoping for a lot of coffee this Christmas. What he DID get, however, was the cause for his Christmas to become something out of his worst nightmares.

Underwear.

Lots and lots of underwear.

When Tweek confronted his parents about this, they informed him that he was always running out. Tweek blamed the gnomes. His parents went back to sipping tea and watching their son spaz out.

Tweek was forced to bring his gifts up to his room. As soon as his door was closed, he started building a barricade. Soon, Tweek was sitting in a fort made of blankets, pillows, and whatever else he had in his room that was easily moved. His underwear was arranged into a nest.

Tweek shook back and forth, unable to sleep. All night, he stayed up, just waiting for the gnomes to come. Just as he was about to give up and fall asleep, he heard tiny footsteps coming in.

"GAH! GET OUT!" He screamed. The gnomes didn't listen. They easily broke down and stole Tweek's underwear. Every last pair.

After explaining what had happened to his parents, and then being told to go to sleep, Tweek made a vow to catch the gnomes next year.


	21. Day 21-Cartmen

Cartman got a cloning machine for Christmas! He went inside and made a million clones of himself, and called them his Cartmen. They all went on wild adventures and then had an orgy.

THE END


	22. Day 22-A Christmas Tradition

(A/N: Here's a little Stenny. Completely platonic.)

Going Christmas shopping together was always an annual tradition of Stan and Kenny. Every year, exactly ten days before Christmas, the two went out together to get all their shopping done.

Every year, Stan would silently watch as Kenny looked at stuff he knew was much too expensive for him to buy for his family. Kenny would do it every year, and then he'd smile at Stan to show he wasn't bothered by it, even though he really was.

Stan would always look down at his wallet, stuffed full of bills, then at Kenny. Stan would offer to give Kenny some money, as a Christmas gift. Kenny would then shake his head no. The only thing he hated more than not having money was taking it from his friends.

Every year, shortly after Kenny and Stan's annual disagreement, Stan would "accidentally" bump into Kenny. They'd both brush it off with small laughs, and by accusing the other of getting a boner from it.

Then, usually at one of the less expensive stores, Kenny would reach into his pocket to pay for his purchases. He'd feel that there were more bills in his pocket then there were before. Kenny would give Stan an accusing glare, and Stan would respond with a confused look. Kenny would pay for his purchases, and when they came out of the store, Kenny would verbally accuse Stan of slipping the money in his pocket.

Stan would smirk a little and deny it. Kenny would then demand to know where the extra cash came from. Stan would say that he had no idea, that Kenny must have miscounted how much he had.

Kenny would just shrug, and quit questioning Stan. The two would finish up their shopping, their only conversation being about what they thought certain friends or family members would like.

Every year, it was the same. It was a tradition both of them managed to keep for a long time.


	23. Day 23-Towlie's Christmas Story

Towlie never truly thought he had a problem. Sure, he did drugs. Sure, he spent most nights on the street (usually with a hooker or two). But he was happy. It was hard to be sad when you were constantly on an ungodly mix of drugs.

It was around Christmas time when Towlie's life finally changed for the better. He made his way to the home of his ex, where she lived with Towlie's now-toddler son. It was more so he could have a place to crash than anything else.

Towlie's ex hesitated, but she let Towlie spend the night. Towlie crashed on the couch immediately.

The next morning was Christmas. Towlie managed to wake up in time to see his son open presents. The pile of presents was depressingly small, Towlie noticed, but his son was ecstatic nonetheless.

Later that morning, when Towlie Jr was busy playing, Towlie asked his ex why his kid didn't get anything. He was informed that she couldn't work, and that he hardly ever payed child support.

After leaving that day, Towlie swore he would change. He would become a whole new towel, and from now on, Christmas would be amazing for his son.

He kept the promise, and by the time next Christmas rolled around, Towlie took his son and his ex to California for a vacation. It was the best Christmas ever.


	24. Day 24-An Mmkay Christmas

Mr Mackey sat alone in his apartment. It was Christmas eve, and as with most holidays, he was alone. Mr Mackey had no family, and few friends. Not even his students sent him cards or anything. They all either didn't celebrate Christmas or had overly conservative parents who didn't want to accidentally offend anyone and be labeled hypocrites.

The guidance counselor jumped up when somebody knocked on his door. A look through the peephole told him it was Mr Slave and Big Gay Al, both wearing extremely weather-innapropiate (yet extremely festive) outfits. They were holding a small wrapped package.

Mr Mackey opened the door. "Why, hello there! Why don't you come in, mmkay?"

"Thanks, Mr Garrison." Big Gay Al said. Him and Mr Slave walked into Mr Mackey's apartment, Mr Slave looking like he just had some coal shoved up his ass

"Oh, Jesus Christ, it's so dull in here!" Mr Slave said. Him and Big Gay Al winked at each other, and using the magic power of gayness, they transformed the place so it was full of Christmas decor, including a tree, wreaths, and everything else.

Mr Mackey gasped. "It's beautiful!"

"It's missing one thing~" Big Gay Al sang, handing the wrapped package to Mr Mackey.

Mr Mackey opened it, and was excited to see the snowglobe. "I hope it's mmkay, but I didn't, ah, get you two anything..."

"It's fine, Mr Mackey." Big Gay Al said. "Your smile is thanks enough."

And after that, Big Gay Al and Mr Slave disappeared using the power of gay, and Mr Mackey had a very merry Christmas.


	25. Day 25-Not Mmkay

Mr Mackey examined his snow globe. By the smell and moistness of it, he figured out it had been in Mr Slave's ass. Even though that was not mmkay, Mr Mackey didn't care.

And then he masturbated to the snow globe.

The end.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!


End file.
